Episode Transcript
[00:00:04] Obviously you know that we have people that join us from other places outside of Macon. I got an email on maybe Sunday morning from Charlie and Carol Poisty in Colorado.
[00:00:19] And Charlie wrote me this email.
[00:00:22] You remember last week's message, right?
[00:00:26] You remember this message? I hope you've been using this. Charlie wrote me, said Friday night I was getting ready to go out to one of my clients fundraisers. I put on one of my jackets. In the pocket, I found this.
[00:00:43] I have no idea how it got there. I have never seen it before. It's not mine.
[00:00:50] It must have been from someone who borrowed my jacket at some point.
[00:00:55] Is that not incredible?
[00:00:57] I love it. Then he told me this story. He said, I went out into the pasture. They raised goats and donkeys and all kinds of stuff. And he said, I picked up a piece of metal that I saw lying in the field.
[00:01:10] Turns out it was a Spanish coin from 1878.
[00:01:15] It is the very weathered coin of Alfonso XII por la gracia de Dios, by the grace of God, a king.
[00:01:25] And where did he find it?
[00:01:28] In the field.
[00:01:31] We should all move to Colorado and just camp out on their land for the holidays anyway. Oh, yeah, we got people who just moved from Colorado. We're not going to do that. But anyway, super cool.
[00:01:46] So, Charlie, if anyone should be using their magnifying glass, I think God specifically hand delivered one to you. So amazing.
[00:01:56] But, you know, Kelly and I have a Sunday morning chat.
[00:02:02] We don't get to spend a ton of time together during the week. We have a Sunday morning carve out time. It's our fireside chat, but it is by the fireplace. But in Macon, you never use your fireplace. So it's for decoration. But here are the pieces. We have coffee, we have a couch, we have chill music, we have conversation, we have connection. That's the point of the Sunday morning coffee. Well, what do we talk about?
[00:02:30] About each other now. With a caveat.
[00:02:34] When we do spend time during the rest of the week, she's usually listening to me talk because I talk a lot and unfortunately I talk too much about myself. So a priority on Sundays is that I get the opportunity to sit and listen.
[00:02:52] I listen to what's going on in her life, what's exciting, what may be bothering, what revelation she's had a lot of times. You know, we talk generally about life a lot about life. And the older we get, the more we have to talk about in terms of life, in terms of growth and realizations and difficulties and how frustrated we are that our parents were right about so many things. And why can't we get our own kids to see? I'm just kidding.
[00:03:22] Zach's here, so I had to say that.
[00:03:25] But no, seriously, growth. You know, what's changed, what we're realizing? And so a few weeks back, we were contemplating something deep, deep contemplation.
[00:03:38] Sounds like sarcasm is coming, but it's not.
[00:03:42] The question is, why is it so hard for some people to.
[00:03:50] To pull out their magnifying glass, to do the inspections of life, the inspections of self that lead us to challenge our dark places?
[00:04:03] Why is that so very difficult for really so many people? Why do people struggle badly with vulnerability, with taking responsibility, with accepting failure, with admitting mistakes, with doing difficult work, of confronting the things that need to be confronted? Well, I know at least an answer to that. It's not the answer, but it's an answer. And that really just kind of has to do with family of origin, things that have gone on in many people's lives, and traumatic events that have deeply, deeply affected people. Those are key components. I understand. But even in the worst circumstances, given the worst childhood and all kinds of things, there are still some people that are willing to just jump in the pool of inspection and introspection. And then there are others who spend a lifetime on the side of the pool just looking and wondering.
[00:05:09] And so our question.
[00:05:11] We didn't finalize that answer, but it brought up another question, which is, why do you think that we, Kelly and myself, don't have such a problem with that?
[00:05:31] Why are we willing? And the first thing we realized is that it's only a relatively recent development in our lives that we have been able to do that.
[00:05:42] Okay, when I say recent, like over the last 10 years, we've dedicated a lot of time and energy to that practice. 10 years. I'm 53.
[00:05:54] That means for 43 years of my life, I did not know how or was willing to be honest with myself about myself.
[00:06:14] And we came to realize that for many, many people, the answer can be found in this old, classic story.
[00:06:25] As a man was walking down a path in the country, he looked toward the farmhouse, and just down the path was a farmer rocking in his rocking chair back and forth.
[00:06:37] And laying next to him was a big hound dog.
[00:06:43] And the farmer is rocking. But as the guy continues to walk by, he sees and hears, actually, the dog howling, just howling.
[00:07:03] And he can't help the curiosity. So he walks up the path, and he looks at the farmer, relaxed, just rocking. The dog's over here laying, howling. The guy looks at him, and he Says, what's wrong with your dog?
[00:07:21] The farmer looks at him and he says, he's laying on a nail.
[00:07:29] And the guy there goes the dog. And he's like, well, why doesn't he move?
[00:07:40] And the farmer looks, shrugs his shoulders and says, I reckon it don't hurt bad enough yet.
[00:07:57] And what we came to realize is that this is back to Kelly and I, Kelly and me, whatever it is.
[00:08:04] There's a point at which discomfort becomes too unbearable to bear.
[00:08:13] And by discomfort I mean a whole world of things.
[00:08:18] Unhappiness, unfulfilled, discontented, regretful, angry, lonely, isolated, fearful. Discomfort manifests in all kinds of ways the pain of life that we carry. But there is a point at which some people say, enough.
[00:08:41] You can call it rock bottom. You could say your lowest, low a thing, or the things that you're dealing with where you finally say, enough.
[00:08:53] You have your come to Jesus moment.
[00:08:57] Or in the phrasing of the high holiday language, we could say a wake up call, right?
[00:09:03] You get your wake up call and you wake up and you realize, God, there's got to be more than this.
[00:09:10] There has to be a way. I don't have to accept whatever this is, whatever this is that I'm laying on, I don't have to accept. I don't want to accept it. I don't have to.
[00:09:34] I'm tired of the nail and it hurts bad enough.
[00:09:40] And then we start the climb.
[00:09:48] We talked last week about the spiral staircase. I'm not done with the climb metaphor. We pull out this magnifying glass. We inspect. Once we find something, we find things that need work. And once we're honest and once we're willing to lay down our pride and our fear and everything else, and we acknowledge the mountain before us, the mountain of challenge, the mountain of pain, whatever the thing is. And we step toward that mountain. And some mountains are bigger than other mountains. I acknowledge this, we talked about this. But all of them, for most of us who have struggles, and I think that's most of us, all of them are pretty big, there are recurring issues. There are life curriculum things. There are things that keep showing up in your life. Those are mountains. Those are things we need to fill face, things we need to climb. And it's hard because it's uncomfortable and because it can be painful at times, and because sometimes it's hard to see the reward of going through the work.
[00:10:55] But that is the story of everything hard in life.
[00:11:00] But here's the scene. When we start the climb, you stand at the base of this thing.
[00:11:12] And maybe you've been there before, but you turned back. Maybe you wanted to challenge this thing, but it's too much. It's too deep. It's too.
[00:11:25] It's just too big. And by the way, it's really not that bad. It's really not. I'm not. Okay. It bothers me sometimes, but I'm not.
[00:11:33] It's not a big deal. It's probably not time for me to face this thing. That's what a lot of people spend times at their foot of their mountains saying. But then you have.
[00:11:44] You're committed. You want to get up off the nail. So you take the step and you pull yourself up a little bit at a time, and you scrape your knees along the way, and maybe you slip on some slippery rocks and you fall down a little bit going up the mountain, but you make gradual progress and you look down and you're further along and you're too far up now to go back down, so you keep going. And we're going up, and we're starting to see some beautiful scenery. We're starting to see some things that are changing. The world's getting brighter up here. The sun is warmer up here. It feels better. I feel better. And sure enough, through the difficulty of the climb, you arrive at the summit.
[00:12:35] You confront the challenge. You crest the summit of the mountain of your pain or your issue or the pain you've caused someone else.
[00:12:49] And you stand atop the mountain and you just gaze at the beauty of the view you can now see of what you conquered to get here, what you went through, what you gave up, what you faced. And you're so grateful that you took the step. And this is what it looks like to face your mountains or your demons or whatever word you want to say. And you taste the victory of overcoming one significant challenge. Your first big mountain. But you know what? There are others. You look around, there's probably a mountain range, but you're not worried about that right now because you've crested this summit. This victory feels good.
[00:13:42] You feel good because you did it.
[00:13:49] And imagine this.
[00:13:51] You look down, way down at the bottom, at the base, and looking up is someone. Someone that you love, someone that you care about. But they're looking at this mountain with the same fear and trepidation that you had.
[00:14:13] Their mountain may not be the same thing, but it's figuratively their mountain.
[00:14:20] But they stand at the base, uncertain, afraid. Amazingly, you still have cell phone service from the peak of this mountain.
[00:14:30] And you call down to them and you say, I see You, I can see you, you're weeping. And you say you can't even believe how good it feels to make the climb, what it's like up here. You have to do this. Please, please take the step, make the climb. And I'm trying my best to describe it to them on the bottom of what it feels like to have overcome it, to not be burdened, to have the difficulty behind me.
[00:15:08] But there's only silence on the.
[00:15:15] And you say, hello, did you hear me?
[00:15:20] Are you still there? You can do it. Take a step.
[00:15:23] Just start.
[00:15:26] And the voice at the bottom of the mountain from the person that you love so dearly. And you want to see them take that journey and climb. But instead they say, you know what? I'm sure it's beautiful, and you sound really happy, but I'm just not ready.
[00:15:43] It's just too hard.
[00:15:45] It's just too much. It looks really scary. I don't think I can do that. And you realize something, that no matter how much you share your experience, it is a journey we must all take for ourselves.
[00:16:04] Anyone can do it. But what I found, my friends, is that few people will.
[00:16:14] So many people will choose to stay put, to lay on the nail and howl, or to stay at the bottom and to howl about what they wish their life was, or how they can't believe this happened to them, or how this person did this to them, or if I only hadn't messed that relationship up, or if I only hadn't, or if I only.
[00:16:40] And all of those are the mountains that just hem you in.
[00:16:49] And I don't want you to be howlers. I want you to be climbers.
[00:16:54] I want you to be climbers.
[00:16:56] The answer for why Kelly and I are deeply committed to self improvement and to helping others is only because we started the climb and we realized that there were parts of us that needed repair.
[00:17:12] And as we start the high holidays and we move through these days, as the rabbi, it is my job to help you see the mountains and help you start the climb and hopefully throw a rope down over the side of the mountain. And the high holidays, they are a rope. Elul is a rope, but nobody can have you take hold of it and make the climb. But the holidays are like a lifeline, like a rope that says, here's the path, here's the path to take.
[00:17:47] Just hold onto this, hold onto it. This is the way to go. And the farmers answer, why doesn't the dog move?
[00:17:56] It just doesn't hurt bad enough. And the sad truth of life is, and this Is hard to hear, I know, but sometimes you need some pain.
[00:18:10] We need the discomfort. And it sounds very uncomfortable, doesn't it?
[00:18:18] But listen, there are people that do not feel pain.
[00:18:24] I'm not talking emotionally, I'm talking physically.
[00:18:27] They don't feel pain. They're perpetually suffering severe burns and cuts and injuries. Pain has a purpose, sometimes to protect you from getting hurt. Pain can alert us to a problem, can jolt us into an action. I read this on the Chabad website, of all places, and I loved it. Pain has a role in the healing process. I was talking to Karen Wortham about my calf yesterday. She's telling me about histamines and pain responses. Pain has a role in the healing process. When you chemically block pain receptors in an animal's nerves, it slows the healing in their skin. The same nerves that send pain signals to the brain also send signals to the blood vessels, and they attract the immune cells and they stimulate tissue repair. That is to say, when laying on the nail, hurts bad enough and pain tells you get up.
[00:19:28] The same mechanism can start the healing process for you emotionally. The pain you feel can be used for good. People are, by design, pain averse.
[00:19:43] Who wakes up and figures out ways to hurt themselves.
[00:19:47] We are by design. It's not pleasant.
[00:19:51] And when it comes to emotional pain or discomfort, to relationship problems, to regret, to fail, to failures, to sins, to issues by design, we don't stir these things up. And I get it.
[00:20:07] There are hurts in this room that none of us could even begin to comprehend. The depth of things buried and pushed down in people and hidden, and it doesn't stop those things from hurting, diverts the pain.
[00:20:32] It just.
[00:20:34] It causes reactions to trigger situations or our responses, you know, to people who say something or do something. You know, the famous phrase hurt people? What?
[00:20:45] Hurt people.
[00:20:49] When you push the pain down, it's no kind of resolution. But we avoid the mountain, we avoid the climb to deal with them. Why? Because it's going to be a painful hike.
[00:21:00] It's going to be painful. So we ignore what needs attention.
[00:21:05] We deny what is most definite reality. And by the way, that's actually the definition of insanity. Not the stupid thing about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That's not insanity. Insanity is a denial of reality and an inability to comprehend the reality around you and to be able to respond accurately to it.
[00:21:32] I saw a shirt the other day, Speaking of just, you know, like, laying on the nail and howling, I saw a shirt at the gym the other day that said pain is just weakness leaving the body.
[00:21:50] Now that works really well in a gym. It's a little strong for this teaching, so I'll back it up like this. Okay? Pain is often a necessary byproduct of growth.
[00:22:05] It is not always, but it is. Paul said it this way in Romans, we boast in suffering, knowing that suffering produces perseverance and perseverance, character and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint.
[00:22:24] He was no stranger to physical suffering, but also to emotional suffering.
[00:22:32] That's a verse for climbers, my friends.
[00:22:37] Those are verses for the mountain you need to climb. But let me. I just want to say this loud and clear for all of those anywhere, everywhere that I'm talking to in this room or anywhere. For those of you who have experienced the deep hurt that life is capable of bringing.
[00:22:57] I am sorry.
[00:23:00] I am so sorry that that happened to you.
[00:23:05] I'm sorry.
[00:23:08] I wish it weren't the case.
[00:23:15] I've heard dreadful stories, sat with people who have been through hell.
[00:23:23] I've seen people struggle and strain to deal with things that there's no rational or spiritual explanation as to why they would have had to go through these things.
[00:23:37] And I can't begin to express how much I feel.
[00:23:41] For those of you who I know have heartbreaking stories. I do not intend to say that pain is not painful or that I wish we could have more of it, or most especially, why don't you just get over it?
[00:24:00] I am not saying that.
[00:24:04] But the truth is we can use it.
[00:24:08] It's the only thing we have with it. We can use it, God can use it.
[00:24:16] And some of us may feel a different emotion that is still very painful. It's called regret. It's another mountain to climb. It's often a struggle for me, I'm honest. It's very frustrating because this futility of the emotion of regret, it's so toxic. Like spirals into things that are just terrible rumination and not taking steps to resolve things. But even regret can be a positive pain.
[00:24:48] Harata. It's called in Hebrew, remorse, regret, contrition. That pain that you feel in regret can wake you up. It's the wake that says, enough, enough, I need to fix something, I need to change this. It's a holy pain of realization.
[00:25:07] We can say maybe a God given ache that says, just go, deal, Just go try to deal. Just go, try to climb.
[00:25:19] I'll go with you. He says.
[00:25:24] Rambam says that that sort of remorse, that.
[00:25:28] That harathah is the first step. Because often without the ache, there's no climb, but with it there's hope and it's correctable.
[00:25:39] Listen, I'll put it to you this way, about regret. You ready? If what you regret can be repaired, then climb the mountain.
[00:25:50] Take the action.
[00:25:52] If what you regret cannot be repaired, if it is done and unchangeable, climb the mountain.
[00:25:59] Accept the consequences, learn the lesson and commit to not do it again. But in this pain with potential. That's not a great takeaway. That's not a great uplifting way to say it, but consider the alternative, whichever way you like better. Lying on a nail and howling or standing at the foot of a mountain, whatever you like.
[00:26:23] Those things represent what needs to be changed. And if you refuse to even address those things, nothing will change.
[00:26:31] I am not speaking to a room of broken people I know who are, like, just released from prison or have committed capital crimes or drug addicts. It doesn't matter. That's not the point. The point is we've all lived life in a way where we usually have some mountains. Mountains.
[00:26:54] And we usually have a tendency to lay on a nail.
[00:26:59] So I can say, in the company of many good professional therapists and clergy, this is the most frustrating part of my job, is when I sit and talk with people and I can see them hemmed in by a range of mountains and they just cannot take a step.
[00:27:21] And I want to say.
[00:27:23] I want to just pick them up and put them on my back and say, let's go and hold the rope and we'll make it. But I can't. It doesn't work that way.
[00:27:33] It's your journey, it's your climb, it's your rope.
[00:27:50] So I only ask, can we reframe pain as potential? Is it possible for us as a community to stand at the base of the mountain? Your mountain is not my mountain. But nevertheless, mountains are big. They can handle a lot of labels. We can all have a mountain. We don't want one, but we can all have one.
[00:28:08] Can we, as a community stand here?
[00:28:11] The imagery of all of us standing at the base of the mountain, whatever it is next to each other during these days, committing to the journey of the climb. Can we do it? Of course we can. That's the beauty of the high holidays. We do it together.
[00:28:28] We say the prayers together. We share in each other's burdens together.
[00:28:35] And I would never, ever, ever want to give you the impression from this message that Kelly and I do not have a range of mountains that need to be climbed.
[00:28:47] This is not a holier than thou look at us I'm only telling you a bit of our personal journey so that there's some relation. There will be higher mountains, but climbing one this holiday season elevates us. There will be others.
[00:29:06] Time, my friends, to get the magnifying glass out and inspect.
[00:29:14] You never know. You never know. You'll find a mountain in there.
[00:29:18] Didn't know you could hold a mountain in your heart, did you? But you can.
[00:29:26] And so next week, we'll talk about the collection of some of these things. And you say, I know, I know. You give these messages every year. I hate this time of year. That's why I don't usually come to services. But here, you drug me back in with those pretty slides and you're giving me this same old junk. I don't want to do it.
[00:29:47] The better one is, I don't need to do it. I don't have anything to do. Okay, all right, you're released. The better one. And the more. Not the better one. The more common one is. I just can't. I don't want to.
[00:30:00] You always say this.
[00:30:04] I don't want to climb.
[00:30:08] Does anyone know who Kyle Maynard is?
[00:30:12] I wish I knew Kyle Maynard personally. I wish I knew Kyle Maynard.
[00:30:19] Kyle was born with a rare condition, congenital amputation. He did not develop any limbs.
[00:30:30] Fibrous bands prevent the development of fetal limbs.
[00:30:37] No legs, no arms.
[00:30:40] On January 5, 2012, Kyle Maynard became the first quadruple amputee to climb Mount Kilimanjaro without assistance.
[00:30:53] Crawling. All 19,340. Not yet, Ross.
[00:30:58] All 19,340ft.
[00:31:02] 19,340ft in 10 days with no arms and no legs.
[00:31:11] My friends, no matter how high, no matter how hard and how treacherous and potentially painful your mountain can be.
[00:31:26] And I know we're talking spiritually and emotionally, and Kyle is overcoming physically, but you don't think this guy faced unbelievable emotional difficulty.
[00:31:42] My friends, the power of the illustration remains. 20,000ft with no arms and legs. Mount Kilimanjaro. It's a superhuman feat.
[00:31:54] Now, if anyone could have said, I can't climb the mountain.
[00:32:04] Got to be Kyle Maynard.
[00:32:11] And it's not lost on me that it was. Over the course of 10 days, he was determined, determined, determined to see the summit through the pain at all costs. And I promise you, my friends, the summit of your mountain is worth the climb.
[00:32:33] These are the days of Elul. From Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur's 10 days. These are the preparation days. We're in right now for the climb that Will be available to us in the 10 day climb.
[00:32:48] And you can do it with your arms and your legs. And it will not be at Mount Kilimanjaro, but that mountain might be just as high in your life.
[00:32:58] So, of course, it's time to get off the nail.
[00:33:06] Which is why I gave you this little surprise to add to your collection. I do not recommend that you give these to your kids.
[00:33:18] And please don't let any kids get them out of the basket and walk around the synagogue or take them to the playground. Okay? Got that out.
[00:33:29] You have a nail.
[00:33:31] And I want you to take it and I want you to put it where you see it. Listen, I thought about this.
[00:33:36] Put this next to your magnifying glass, okay?
[00:33:41] And if this is happening at your work, people are thinking, what kind of cultic freak are these?
[00:33:48] What are these people doing?
[00:33:51] And you can explain it to them.
[00:33:54] Put it where you see it, not in your pocket, but see it and ask yourself, am I unnecessarily dealing with pain and discomfort? Am I laying on a nail? Am I howling?
[00:34:15] Am I a howler unnecessarily?
[00:34:21] And how long have I been here? And do I have to stay here? And there's a lot of I in that, I realize. But there's a lot of you that has to do this.
[00:34:30] It's yours. It's yours. Own it.
[00:34:35] But it's a nail for another very specific reason. Because you don't do this alone, do you?
[00:34:42] The nail, the one who took the nails is with us on our journey.
[00:34:51] That is a certainty. The spirit with which he empowers us, that is literally within you.
[00:34:59] He has given you that.
[00:35:03] The one who took the nails to move with courage and faith and confidence, knowing that he made a way for us to never fear, to move boldly, to overcome.
[00:35:14] That's also what this nail means.
[00:35:19] It's important.
[00:35:21] It speaks to your part, what is within your power, and to the one who has empowered us to walk into these days, to get up, to get up, get off the nail and start the climb.
[00:35:37] So I pray that God will give us the strength to identify our mountains, the courage to overcome the pain it takes to start to climb them.
[00:35:53] Shabbat Shalom. I'm Darren with Shalom Macon. If you enjoyed this teaching, I want to ask you to take the next step. Start by making sure you subscribe to our channel.
[00:36:03] Next, make sure you hit the like button on this video so that others know it's worth their time to watch.
[00:36:08] Last, head over to our website to learn more about Shalom Macon. Explore other teachings and events, and if you're so inclined, contribute to the work that we're doing to further the Kingdom. Thanks for watching and connecting with Shalom, Macon.
[00:36:28] Sam.
