Episode Transcript
[00:00:06] Speaker A: Very, very quiet.
I'm not used to it. There's usually like a slightly higher level of energy.
So I'm just going to give my message like this today.
It's very quiet.
Maybe that's.
We should listen to this.
It is a day of celebration, though. It's the seventh day of Passover. I've said that multiple times. And it's a perfect day to discuss freedom.
And I mean for real. Now when you look at the story, they are through the sea. We had this coming out of Egypt, but, you know, it wasn't quite realized because the Egyptians came after them, pursuing, going on. So they've got this body of water in front of them, they've got this behind. That's not exactly what you call freedom. But all of a sudden the sea opens up. The sea is. The floor is dry. They're walking through, they look back, their troubles vanish in the water. They are truly now headed toward something. The promised land is ahead. After a little stop at Mount Sinai, like this is finally freedom.
We could talk about that.
We could also talk about that tomorrow much of the world is going to be celebrating a holiday called Easter. We know according to the Hebrew calendar, the resurrection has already occurred because Passover was last Sunday night. But listen, we could join the rest of the world, not in necessarily celebrating the holiday, but remembering the idea here today, freedom worth celebrating. Of course, that Yeshua freed us from the bondage of death, that Yeshua has taken on a cost, that the freedom we've achieved we never could have had on our own. But he made possible at this season, God proved that through him, freedom was possible. And just as Pharaoh's army was swallowed in the sea, so too we can look and think of all of our sins and our shortcomings now behind us, swallowed in God's sea of forgiveness, never to be remembered again. That's what Micah says. Cast and the depths. That would be something worth celebrating. That's a teaching on freedom. But I'm going to go in a different direction, one that touches on what certainly is a favorite season of the Jewish calendar for me, because we're in a season that is indeed all about freedom, but it's also a season that requires us to develop, strengthen, secure our understanding of gratitude and growth. And I'm talking about what I've already. We sung a song about it. The Omer, the season of elevation, the counting of the Omer, the soul refinement that happens between Passover and Shavuot these seven weeks now, it's a little bit of a strange Concept, isn't it? Every year I'm struck by this. You're to count from the morrow after the Shabbat, from the day that you brought the Omer of the wave, offering seven complete Shabbatoth, until the morrow after the seventh Shabbat. You're to count 50 days and then present a new grain offering to Adonai. It's in the Bible.
It's in the bible. It's Leviticus 23. And nobody does it. But you ask, like, nobody outside of Jews and Messianic communities.
Very few people, I should say. And you have to ask why.
I guess God really wanted us to know how to count to 50, so he made up a holiday that we could do. It's gotta be more than that.
We know how to count. And of course, like everything we find, when we dig into the meaning of things, of course it means more than that. Counting up.
This season has become precious to me because once again, we're given the chance to experience freedom, even in this cycle. A new kind of freedom. Not the kind commemorated on Passover or even in Yeshua, something practical right now, living. The freedom, if you're so inclined, to unburden ourselves from destructive habits and behaviors. The freedom to tap into divine power that occurs during these seven weeks, sacred weeks.
It is a sacred time. It's a time of spiritual power. I said it's in the Bible. I called it the season of elevation. But tradition, why does tradition say that? Where does that come from? Some of you know this, some of you don't. So I'll say it for those who don't.
As Israel came out of Egypt, they had fallen to the lowest level of depravity, near the point of no return. And so when they came out, they had to. They had to recalibrate. On the journey from Egypt to Mount Sinai, it wasn't just a long walk. It was a spiritual elevation process. Shaking off Egypt. That's what the Omer count is. That's why it's a counting up to expectation. In Yeshua's time, he died, he was buried, he resurrected, he came back. Then he spent 40 days with his disciples. You know what he was talking to them about? Teaching them about the kingdom. He was teaching them about the job that they would have to do, most likely what was coming. There was a period for them also after the big adventure of death, burial, resurrection. A period of preparation, a period of spiritual growth. This is without a doubt a special time in God's calendar.
Most people don't know that you do thus, and you know, even in the desert experience of the desert, as you're marching and walking, the sense of excitement that must have been felt to be outside of what was to be free, to be going towards something. The same thing for the disciples of Yeshua. Something incredible happened. They saw it, they're a part of it. There's something really amazing that's coming, that sense of excitement. Now, listen, certainly we have a choice as to whether or not we would like to participate in this. We can engage with the season of elevation, tapping into this divine power that's available here, or we can let it pass over, pass us by.
You have a choice.
That's freedom, too. That's called free will. You get to decide.
God won't make you do it. But as your rabbi, it's my responsibility to assume that you want to do that. Like Israel and the disciples, you're seeking direction. You're seeking refinement, guidance from the spirit about how to honor the freedom. Because, listen, I understand grace, I understand mercy, I understand all of it. But just like the Memorial Day celebrations say, freedom isn't free.
There's a price to be paid. And if nothing else, if nothing else, the freedom that you have should at least be expressed in gratitude. Gratitude in the sense of inviting, investing in yourself to become the best version of a disciple that you could be.
So where do we begin the seven week journey? Well, here's the different kind of freedom. And this is a radical shift from where I have given you the impression I'm heading. But that's good. That keeps you awake. I want to share one of the most freeing perspectives a person can embrace in this life. A perspective that can bring profound freedom to your mental state and to your emotional peace. And it can be boiled down really to basically four words, which we'll work on. Invest more, expect less.
Okay. Remember that. That's the theme of today's message. Invest more, expect less. Now that, as you let that sink in, sounds probably like bad advice or bad math or really bad financial advice.
Invest more, expect less. Keep me away from this guy's broker.
But it's actually about something more profound. It's about where we choose to direct our precious energy. And I want to ask you an important question.
Have you ever spent any or a lot of mental and emotional energy wishing people were different than they are?
Have you ever wished that someone in your life or that you interact with regularly was different than they are?
I want you to raise your. I'm just kidding.
This is called rhetorical question. We learn this about in Romans, this is a rhetorical device. I know the answer.
The wisdom of seeing people clearly invest more, expect less. Now, what does this mean? People are who they are.
There will be people who will profoundly disagree with what I'm about to say, and I am excited to talk to you about it. When we focus on trying to change people or expect them to be someone that they've consistently shown us that they are not, we create our own suffering.
To be surprised when someone does what they've always done, or to expect someone to be different than they've consistently demonstrated themselves to be. This makes us the one with the issue. This actually puts the problem on us.
It relates to something Maya Angelou once wisely observed when she said, when people show you who they are, believe them.
Invest more, expect less. We're going to handle the second part first. Expect less. I want to share from personal experience the absolute freedom I found in this principle. Now, for 50, almost 53 years, I've had countless situation where I expected people to be a certain way. Has anyone ever been there?
Usually a reasonable expectation, I would think, and I would invest heavily in someone, develop a relationship, help someone, guide them, only to have that seemingly thrown back in my face or never reciprocated. And not that reciprocity is a requirement in life or in helping people, but like a slight bit of gratitude or decency or even acknowledgement, I thought it's reasonable.
When people would disappoint me, I would, this is familiar. I can use it. Mmm.
What does that mean? Ruminate. I would ruminate. How could they do that? Why would they do that?
What did I do wrong?
I thought, and I would find that these thoughts would take up a lot of my time and they would recur frequently and I'd find myself talking to other people about my thinking about other people, but ruminating on other people's failures the way other people have disappointed me. Things I can do absolutely nothing about is a hopeless exercise, isn't it?
I don't really know what caused me or at what point I decided to confront this practice in my life. I can't identify a trigger other than the fact that my beard turned gray and you're supposed to get smarter.
I came to realize that continuing to expect different outcomes from people who had obviously shown me who they were is a form of self inflicted suffering.
Don't have to do it. Why would I expect something different from someone who had proven otherwise? I don't think it was a conscious choice. I didn't say that's it, turn it off I'm never going to be disappointed by anyone else. I'll never have a disappointing thought about another human, because that's impossible. You can't control disappointment or thoughts, but you can always control its impact on you.
And the wisdom is not new. I know that, you know, stoicism gets a real bad rap, but I'm going to tell you straight up, I love stoic philosophy. And the stoics have a great phrase that says we should not expect figs in the winter.
It's not real deep, but it's memorable. We should not expect figs in the winter. Figs do not grow in the winter. Expecting otherwise is not optimism. It's denying reality. It's unrealistic. When someone repeatedly shows you a pattern of behavior, it's wise to adjust your expectations accordingly, because unrealistic expectations set you up for disappointment.
And a certain freedom comes when we can detach ourselves from these expectations. Freedom is found there. Maya Angelou's quote is actually when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Now I actually want to back up on that because people have bad days.
That's the truth of it. We must recognize that life is full of emotion. Who knows what happened to the guy, you know, at the checkout counter who threw your onion down the scanner?
Who knows? But you can't just immediately jump to the conclusion, that's not what I'm talking about. Discard people as if they're, you know, if they're not nice all the time. What I'm saying is come to a profound realization that I wish I had come to sooner. That my disappointment wasn't really even about others behavior.
It was about my own insistence on seeing people like I wanted them to be rather than they actually were. And that's a real important gift in life. I don't have it yet. I'm working on it. The mental energy spent ruminating on others wasn't just exhausting. It was doing something damaging to me. It was keeping me from my growth trajectory.
This message is not about me. I'm using me as an example of you because we probably have some similarities being human beings.
It's not about becoming cynical. It's about wisdom. It's about discernment. We don't expect figs in the winter. We don't expect people to be fundamentally different than they are. And the real freedom comes when we can love or at least acknowledge people as they are while releasing that grip on how we want them to be.
Just do what I want you to.
I see you and I Know you.
I'm not advocating that we become doormats. I'll come back to that point. There are always expectations. I mean, I'm sorry, exceptions. There are times when someone's behavior is abusive or damaging. You don't just accept that. I'm not saying that where radical intervention is required. This shift in perspective, though, for me has been transformative. And not only in ministry, but in every aspect of my life.
When people show you who they are, you should believe them and adjust accordingly. Simple question to ask, particularly after a frustration or disappointing experience with someone. What did I expect?
Was I expecting figs in winter Here?
I know who I'm dealing with.
I know this. And there's such freedom in that experience. Instead of feeling perpetually disappointed or trying to change them. I've learned, definitely still learning to channel that energy into my own spiritual or personal growth. Okay. With the hope that eventually maybe I will be able to have a positive impact or conversation or demonstrate some behavior that's actually affirming and elevating to them going in a different direction. Whatever. But ironically, when we release these expectations of others, we then find ourselves often equipped to actually be more helpful to them and meet them where they are now. This brings us back to the first piece. I told you invest more, expect less. I just told you how to expect less. How do we invest more?
Well, sounds selfish.
Invest in yourself.
The phrase is put your own oxygen mask on first. In our soul refinement, our spiritual maturation, our emotional intelligence, we're focusing our energy where we actually have influence. God has given us as human beings the ability to make free choices, to choose life, to choose blessing, even various seasons in the calendar that encourage us to do this. And what we don't have and he has not given us is the ability to control or fundamentally change other people. And so here's the phrase I want you to remember this. The wise person invests in their own character rather than resenting others. Lack of it. The wise person invests in their own character rather than resenting others. Lack of it. The reality of our daily lives. I think of a parent. This is always a very difficult situation. A parent whose adult child keeps making choices that cause them deep pain. Despite countless conversations and attempt, the pattern continues.
The freedom there comes not from giving up on the kid, but accepting that you can only control your own responses. You can only continue to love wisely or you consider a workplace scenario. Many of us have been there. A colleague who consistently lets you down, promises to do this or that, doesn't show up to work always delivers, but way below standard.
Instead of getting frustrated each time, we imagine accepting the reality that while we can not change, that we can in turn focus on our own work. And I'll come back to that, because that sounds like you expect me to be a doormat. Or there's the friend who chronically cancels plans or says they're going to help you with something, doesn't do it. Rather than letting resentment build, you just adjust your expectations.
You just have to. We look at Moses, Moses, man. Dealing with people who let you down. You want to talk about a guy who had to put up with it.
And he did put up with it. He encountered their complaints. Water, food, the journey. And every time they were extremely bitter. And he wouldn't. He'd turn to God. He invested in his own spiritual growth and his leadership. He accepted the reality of who they were. He led them. Remember the golden calf ax incident? Accident too. Not an accident incident. He came down. He's like really mad. He didn't just let them go, but he didn't let them get off the hook. But he didn't turn his back on them either. He invested. He went to God. He said, all right, what can I do here?
And what's remarkable is how Moses continued to lead and love those people while accepting all that limitation. He didn't expect them to be something they weren't. And they did not disappoint him in that.
He focused on his own faithfulness to God's calling. And they didn't take him down until they did.
You remember? They took him down eventually. Why?
Because he.
Another lesson we learned that when he didn't set expectations, when he didn't guard himself against the impact, the disappointment that was predictable with them. The time he absolutely lost it. Because he couldn't believe that these people were still acting like this. It's the Book of Numbers, for goodness sakes. You guys should be better by now. And so what did he do? He struck the rock. Twice. And what happened? Major consequences. Didn't go in.
That's when he lost it.
And you ask, what was he supposed to do?
He's a human being. They treated him so badly. Well, you.
I don't imagine that we'll ever rise to the level of Moshe. It would be really nice. So I don't want to act as if I'm instructing or correcting Moses, but here's a practical insight. We find boundaries between our balance between boundaries and self investment. Okay, Rabbi, you're suggesting we accept bad behavior. It's a Crucial point when that child, that adult child. It sounds funny to say adult child keeps making destructive choices when the colleague constantly undermines your work. You want me to invest more and expect less? No, I want you to react strategically.
And here's what this looks like.
Mom, I just need. I just need the one. I just. This is the last. I just need the one more thing. And I know you have to get a second mortgage and I know it's going to be your credit card, but I promise, son, I love you.
I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to enable that. Well, maybe I will. Just this. I know he's going to. He's probably going to pay me back this time. I know he's going to. He's on and up and up he's getting.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
That sounds so hard. Talk about your child that way, but it's not against them, it's for them.
With a pattern of demonstrated behavior with the unreliable colleague, rather than silently just going, oh, I can't believe he turned that in late again. My whole team. My whole team's getting spanking because of this guy.
Instead of figuratively, instead of just like boiling it up.
This is the last time. If he does it again, I promise I'm going to.
You address the issue head on. You're not only creating the possibility for change, but you reinforce your own growth, assertiveness, communication, boundary setting. You do it in a loving way, as a disciple of Yeshua, without the expectation that all of a sudden he's going to change, but you let him know. And engaging in these kinds of confrontations, that's actually self care. It's respect.
And secondly, you have to create emotional distance without disconnecting, which is sometimes hard, but it means you maintain necessary relationships, but you protect your peace. Maybe you limit your conversations with that family member who just will not stop looking for an argument with you. Maybe you just say, hey, Uncle Bill, how's it going?
Good.
And you run from Uncle Bill when he comes up to talk to you the next time because Uncle Bill showed you what Uncle Bill wants to do. And Uncle Bill is not building up your. You're not. There's no value in a conversation with Uncle Bill.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
Same thing. Third, it's compassionate detachment, understanding others behavior that doesn't have anything to do with. Usually with you, it's their own journey. You can have compassion for them, for their struggles while still detaching from the need to fix them. I think about Yeshua, you know, when the guy came up and said, what do I need to do to enter the kingdom? And he told him all these things and he said, okay, I already do those things. And then he said, yeah, okay, we'll sell everything. And he went away.
Sad, right? And Yeshua said to the disciples, it's hard for rich people to enter the kingdom. And they were amazed. It says he wasn't amazed at all. You know why? He knew who he was dealing with. He knew who he was dealing with. He compassionately offered the solution. It was the man's choice, the freedom to hear or not. How does that point to us? The goal isn't that we become immune to other actions, to other people. We develop these strong internal resources that external disappointment, disappointments do not devastate us. Now remember, investing in yourself includes investing in your boundaries, your emotional well being, your dignity. Sometimes the wisest investment, as I said, is just create some distance. Today's overused buzzword is from toxic situations.
But that's not always a possibility.
Sometimes you can't detach.
Being equipped is important. Embrace the opportunity to invest in your spiritual growth. And last thing I just will run through this. I believe the worst possible thing we can do is to make our own happiness, contentment or peace dependent on someone else.
And a lot of people do it. We know it, but we allow it. And when we do it, you want to talk about freedom? You just surrender your freedom to others. We become prisoners not just to their actions, but our own expectations. How many hours has someone spent over their life replaying conversations in a mind wishing someone had acted differently? How many times has someone's thoughtless comment ruined your day or a plan you had made or whatever?
No, each time we do this, hey, here's the keys to my emotional well being. Drive me wherever you want.
This Season of the Omer offers us a profound alternative to recharge. Walk our spiritual emotional health out. We can invest in others, we can love others in the interest of our own development, and we can expect less from them for our own sake. It's not pessimism, it's not negativity. It's learning from the facts as they present. There is an extraordinary, extraordinary freedom in walking into situations and relationships with this understanding that your peace is not contingent on anyone else's choices.
So, good gracious. This is the most narcissistic message I've ever heard.
This is not about self worship or self edification or narcissism or me, me, me, me, me. This is about Freedom to engage with life and relationships from a place of real strength and clarity.
That's what it's about. When you're no longer caught off guard by others behaviors or you're trapped in cycles of rumination, you respond rather than react. You're just prepared and you will, I promise you, you will be occasionally disappointed. That's okay. But you can meet disappointments head on. You can see them coming. They're not personal affronts, they're opportunities for growth, if you can see it that way. So each day the Omer is giving us these new opportunities. We feel ourselves becoming frustrated. We can ask, am I trying to control something outside of my influence here? Do I have any chance of having any impact here? What has this person showed me in the past about themselves? What is this relationship built on? What does this look like? Like God. If that's the case, that I have nothing, no chance, where can I learn and invest in my own self development? I'll expect less. I'll invest more in the tough things. There are amazing opportunities for growth. And so there's this structured framework for all this inner work. Israel needed seven weeks. The disciples had some weeks with Yeshua. We can use these days to gradually release our grip on other people's behaviors and our expectations. We can strengthen our own foundation. Now the question is, why start with this message for the Omer? And this is where I'll end today. Why start here?
This seems kind of, yeah, negative.
There's an incredible freedom. As I said, we're talking about freedom when you know how to manage relationships in a healthy way and you walk into these situations. Why would I make this the focal point of the beginning of the Omer? Let me tell you this.
It needs to be about you.
This whole thing needs to be about you. And I know what it sounds like, but let me finish it. No matter what factors or people may have contributed to you being somewhere other than you might want to be or whatever, it's not about them at this point. It's about you.
And it's okay because it needs to be about you. Because you're the only one who can truly affect change. Not in them, in you.
And so we are not going into this sacred. We're already in this sacred period of time. We're not going in with this attitude that says, well, if they would just, if they would just. If she hadn't. Well, if she would stop, if he hadn't done that, you'll miss the moment completely. You'll miss it. The focus is not on anyone Else we live that frame of mind, we miss it. So we accept what it is with the understanding it is what it is, but it will be what you make it. And that's what I'm asking you to do. We take a realistic, honest, loving perspective to see people who they are. We seek the lessons God can teach us through them. Ultimately our own transformation, not their transformations. And there are plenty of people around you I know who are not where you are and they really need your insight and I'm certain they're open to hear it.
Not probably.
And they could come in this. Well, I'm not going to do that.
Who knows, though, that in the process, as you become more and more grounded, more at peace, more free, you may very well become the inspiration that chooses other people. To choose a higher level, you might be the source.
So as we begin this Shavuot, experience the journey up. Start your personal journey again.
Didn't we just do this? We sure did. It's a gift from God. It's an opportunity for freedom in your life. We sure did.
You are free to choose to participate or not. I hope you will. May this season of counting be more than just rehearsing your ability to count to 50.
The freedom that comes not from changing others, but from elevating and investing ourselves with joy and gratitude. All of that in hopes that will inspire because that's part of what disciples do.
Yeah, I can still say Chag Pesach Sameach got today and tomorrow as the holiday ends, then we're full on in to the elevation. So may the Lord rise you Shabbat Shalom.
[00:34:10] Speaker B: I'm Darren with Shalom Makin. If you enjoyed this teaching, I want to ask you to take the next step. Start by making sure you subscribe to our channel. Next, make sure you hit the like button on this video so that others know it's worth their time to watch. Last, head over to our website to learn more about Shalom Macon, explore other teachings, blessings and events, and if you're so inclined, contribute to the work that we're doing to further the kingdom. Thanks for watching and connecting with Shalom Macon.
