Talk Is Not Cheap

[00:00:04] I'm going to give you fair warning that this message, this teaching is garbage. [00:00:13] I. [00:00:14] I mean, I just want you to be prepared. [00:00:17] It's literally based on garbage. [00:00:21] I was throwing something away last week and I was looking at it, trying to determine if there was a recycling symbol on it. [00:00:31] And I had this realization that led to a conversation with Kelly about the trash that I was holding in my hand. [00:00:37] And what I came to realize. Of course, it's probably not any kind of mystery, but the recycled paper products cost more than regular ones. [00:00:47] The compostable trash bags are pricier than plastic, which raised the big long question, why would the world make it harder to make good choices? [00:00:59] Why is it more expensive to do the right thing? [00:01:03] That's garbage that stinks. [00:01:09] Have you noticed how much more expensive it is to make healthy choices? [00:01:15] The organic apples, twice as much as the regular ones. The recycled paper straws, more than the cheap plastic ones. The healthy grass fed organic meat cost significantly more than the processed alternative. [00:01:30] Making the right choice, the healthy choice, almost always comes with a higher price tag. [00:01:38] Why is that? [00:01:41] Why should doing the right thing cost more? Now, I know there are a whole bunch of reasons behind that. The question is actually a little bit rhetorical in this sense. I know that there's corporate greed, there's profit margins, there's hospitals and insurance lobbies who make more money if we stay sick than if we get better. [00:01:59] I understand those things. I know those answers. But it's more than just unfair that it will cost you to make good choices. [00:02:10] It's ignorant, actually. It's wrong. Something's wrong. But the pattern, that pattern exists, it extends far beyond our grocery shopping because it's a principle that is evident in your life in many, many ways. [00:02:27] Choosing what's right will cost you. [00:02:31] And so there are. There's profound wisdom in the scripture, in Mishle, the Proverbs, in Proverbs 18:21, it speaks to this very issue in a sort of unexpected way. Proverbs 18:21 says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. [00:02:52] Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Now, what a brilliant, wonderful connection to build a message around the idea that our speech, our tongue, life, death, they're all immediately connected to eating. Wow. You're wondering, where is this going to go? [00:03:12] Today, as we continue through the journey of the counting of the Omer, I want to explore the connection between. Between the tongue, what the tongue tastes and what Our tongues speak because just as we pray, we pay more for healthier food. There are a cost. There is a cost to healthier speech choices. And the question I want to ask, which is challenging, is, are you willing to pay that price? [00:03:43] Our tongue. [00:03:44] I'm resisting the temptation to just stick my tongue out the whole time that I'm giving this message. But just one time. Okay. There. Our tongue is a remarkable organ. [00:03:59] It helps us taste our food. You can articulate your thoughts with your tongue. You express your emotions. But there's a fascinating duality to this power that we rarely consider. First of all, our tongues drive our food choices. Think about it. [00:04:15] Why do we reach for the sugary snack thing, the dessert, when we know we shouldn't? [00:04:23] Why do we choose salty fried foods that the doctor has warned us about? [00:04:29] Because your tongue tells you this tastes good. [00:04:36] That's why this tastes good. Our taste buds send these signals of pleasure to the brain, often against our better judgment. We know the long term consequences of these choices. [00:04:49] Consistently unhealthy eating, weight gain, heart disease, diabetes. I'll spare you all the statistics about obesity in the United States. A lot of other countries don't have this problem. We do. [00:05:02] And I'll spare you the health studies. And don't worry, this isn't about to be a guilt trip. I'm not going to tell you you got to join the gym or do any of these things. That's not really what it's about. But it is worth noting that we do have an epidemic issue with not being able to tame our tongues. In the most literal sense, our culture struggles profoundly controlling what we eat. And it's not just a matter of willpower. Our entire society, from food manufacturers to grocery stores, they're laid out. They're designed to make unhealthy choices easier. Have you ever heard the advice about how to properly go to the grocery store? [00:05:44] Do you know it? [00:05:46] Do not go down any aisles. You just stay in the perimeter of the grocery store. [00:05:53] That's where the vegetables and the dairy and the meat are found. [00:05:58] And up and down the dozens of interior aisles are processed packaged foods engineered for your pleasure centers. [00:06:08] The very architecture of our food system steers us toward what is unhealthy but convenient. [00:06:16] Companies spend billions making unhealthy food more addictive, more affordable, more available. Fast food on every corner, vending machines, 750 calorie coffees that people drink first thing in the morning. [00:06:37] Those are bought from the store, coffee stores, not the aisle that you have to go down here. The very I Mean, now listen, that sounded critical, but I am going to tell you something truthful. Just from a medical, physiological standpoint, it is not good to put 750 calories of sugar and caffeine into your body first thing in the morning. There, I said it. [00:07:08] Okay, listen, checkout aisles, line what is in the checkout aisle? Candy and chips. And you're standing there bored. And you're like your taste buds. [00:07:21] In the moment, when we're faced with the choice between what tastes good, what's good for us, between what's easy, what's beneficial, we often choose immediate gratification over over our long term health. The cost of discipline is high in the moment, especially when everything around us is designed to make unhealthy the default options. But this physical challenge I'm talking about points to a deeper spiritual one. And that's actually what this is about. [00:07:52] There's a second power that the tongue has. It operates in a surprisingly similar way in that it also drives your conversation choices. [00:08:05] And just as we crave foods that aren't good for us, we often crave conversations that aren't good for us. [00:08:14] Think about the last time you found yourself engaged in a little gossipy gig. [00:08:22] There's this strange satisfaction, isn't there? [00:08:27] Nobody's shaking their head, but you don't have to. There's a momentary pleasure in sharing or hearing that, that juicy piece of information about someone else. Many of you are familiar with the term in Hebrew, lashon hara. Or if we're in an Ashkenazic synagogue, we say lashon hara. Okay, lashon hara, evil speech. I know because we talk about it a lot, we've discussed it. But have you noticed how it creates the same pull as that junky candy bar into unhealthy foods? Unhealthy speech, the parallels. We know that gossip is very harmful. We know that our relationships suffer. Damage is you have. Your reputation is damaged, your trust is damaged, your character is corrupted. Yet in the moment, it is so tempting to engage in that little thing that it's almost irresistible. The cost of restraint, of just holding your tongue, seems very high. [00:09:33] We often know we shouldn't indulge in it, just like the Snickers bar, but we do it anyway because in a strange way, it tastes good. [00:09:44] And just like with food, the culture we live in makes negative speech very, very easy to partake of. [00:09:53] It's the default conversation mode, just like the grocery store layout. You want to avoid gossip and criticism, you better stay on the perip of 90% of the conversations that occur around you. [00:10:07] It's like, you know, moving through casual conversations without getting sucked in requires some intentional navigation, as avoiding those middle aisles. This is the dual power of Proverbs 18:21. [00:10:25] Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Notice how that verse connects what speech with eating? What we choose to consume with our tongues, both literally and figuratively, will ultimately bear fruit in your life, for life or death. [00:10:43] Now, in Mark 7, there's this very confusing text where Yeshua is talking about, you know, hand washing, and people say that that was Jesus doing away with unhealthy or unkosher foods. [00:10:55] That's not true. He had nothing to do with the dietary laws. You missed the deeper point. In Mark 7, it says this. Listen to me, everyone, and understand. [00:11:05] Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of the person that defiles them. That's what he says. [00:11:13] If you read the entire passage. He's not concerned with dietary regulations. He's concerned with the condition of your heart. He goes on to explain, what comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it's from within, out of a person's heart, that evil thoughts come. Sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance, folly. All evils come from inside and defile a person. Now listen, slander is noted alongside murder and adultery. [00:11:44] So is arrogance, which is spoken by the tongue. So is deceit, which is often perpetrated by the tongue. Yeshua is saying, what comes out of our mouth reveals what's in our hearts and has the power to defile you spiritually. [00:12:00] He hits it again in Matthew 12. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. This is when he's like, this is the famous brood of vipers. Accusation to the Pharisees. That has been taken also way out of context. He's talking about this. Everyone will have to give an account on the Day of Judgment for every empty word they've spoken. [00:12:22] For by your words, you will be acquitted. By your words, you'll be condemned. Last week we talked about how we often fall into these patterns, these routines that dull our senses to the preciousness of each day. We talked about that, right? I shared how time can simply vanish when we live on autopilot. This also applies perfectly to a person who is absolutely unaware of the power of their tongue operating in their life. [00:12:47] Most of us have default conversational habits, patterns we fall into without thinking. And just like Those other routines, those speech patterns can either choose blessing or curse, life or death. It's not metaphorical. Your words create reality. [00:13:07] They heal or they wound. They bless or they curse. And we explored that last week in this way of saying everyday choices, choices of blessing that shape our character, our community, daily moments where we actively choose blessing. I hope maybe this last week you took time to create some delightful surprises with people in your life. Moments, perfect moments of memories. You'll also note that, you know, many of those were connected to your speech. [00:13:39] Giving a kind word or a word of gratitude or an encouragement to someone. [00:13:46] But how we speak to those we interact with expresses appreciation and love. [00:13:55] There are perhaps no more choices, no more frequent impactful things than the words we choose to speak. [00:14:04] And where do they flow from? Where do your words come from? [00:14:09] Right here they flow. And they represent dozens, sometimes hundreds, hundreds in a day of opportunities to speak life or death. [00:14:24] They might seem small. [00:14:26] Believe me, I spent a lifetime hurting people with my words. [00:14:31] It has taken an incredibly high investment for me to learn how to not weaponize my tongue. [00:14:42] But this is why Jewish tradition takes this so seriously. [00:14:48] This is why Jesus listed slander among the gravest spiritual defilements. [00:14:54] Because our tongues, both in what we consume and what we express, are constantly setting the choice of life and death before us. [00:15:05] If we were to analyze our conversations in a typical day, I would ask you to think about. What would you find? [00:15:13] Just think about it. How much of your daily dialogue is speaking positively about others or speaking neutrally about ideas or events, or speaking negatively about other people? [00:15:26] How aware of it are we? Usually not very. The Jewish sages were very concerned. They observed that gossip and criticism and negative speech, Lashon hara, dominated much of average conversation. [00:15:42] And modern research supports that we don't have. I'm not giving you a bunch of scientific things, but we have this human communication studies, and it suggests that a lot of daily conversation is about other people, but not in a good way. [00:16:01] Why is this? [00:16:05] Why does negative speech seem to come more naturally? Part of the answer is that we have something called a negativity bias that we function in life by. You're more in tune with the negative things. It's almost like a survival. You notice bad things because they might hurt you. [00:16:22] But strangely, that transfers over sometimes to our speech. That we also tend to have a. A bias toward critical speech. And there's another very weird sociological factor, if you think about it, is that when negative speech often feels like sort of a shortcut to making a connection with somebody, it's a weird social connection. When we gossip or criticize, we create an instant bond with the person. We're doing that with a shared perspective that all of a sudden we feel closer to each other because we don't like them or we're talking about them or we know something about them. So that somehow it's this counterfeit intimacy, but in the moment, it feels, tastes good. [00:17:12] And I want to invite you to this just moment of honest reflection. Think about your conversations over the past week. We're not going to close our eyes, we're not going to breathe. We're not going to do that exercise today. [00:17:23] But just think for a moment, given last week's message. As I said, I hope your week was like a week you've never had. You just invested every moment in uplifting conversations and your spouse and telling them how amazing they were and beautiful and thank you for this incredible meal. And I love the fact that you go to work every day and bring home the turkey bacon, honey. I love it. [00:17:53] I hope that's the first thing that comes to your mind as you're having this reflection. But the tougher question is how much time did you spend speaking negatively about people, gossip, whatever, criticizing, complaining. [00:18:10] And I know it's a hard exercise because this is another whole problem, but we talk way too much. [00:18:19] My wife told me that. [00:18:28] But this is that exercise. None of this is about guilt. It's about awareness. Most of us would actually be shocked if we tracked our speech patterns. Have anyone. I'm sorry we have to go back to the gym and fitness analogy here, but anyone ever used a food tracker when you're trying to calculate your calories? [00:18:55] Shabbat shalom. [00:18:58] You're hopeless. You're hopeless. [00:19:01] You put in everything you ate and now they're so easy. AI can do it for you, but you put in everything you ate and then it calculates. And so you're trying to hit your macros and I'm way off script here, but you know, you're talk about your protein intake. You know, it should be. [00:19:19] It's utterly shocking when you actually track what you eat and how fast it accumulates into calories. [00:19:31] It's shocking. [00:19:34] And the same thing would happen with our words. I bet if we tracked them, if we walked away from a conversation, we might think we are generally positive people until we monitor it. [00:19:46] Just the little unhealthy bites on your nutrition tracker that just. I didn't even do the full two tablespoons of peanut butter. It was almost 30 grams of fat. [00:19:58] It's the Same thing if you walk away from a conversation and reflect on it and say, what good did we actually just talk about? [00:20:10] Did I just sit there and listen while this person wasted my calories with their stupid little insulting words? And I just shook my head in agreement. [00:20:27] Here's the sobering reality, is that that kind of speech is literally choosing death over life. That's what Proverbs says. It's just like eating 80 tablespoons of peanut butter in a week. It's not good for you. [00:20:45] Fat content's too high. [00:20:47] Did we talk about your macros? [00:20:51] Here it is. [00:20:54] You are going to eat that fruit. Sooner or later you're going to eat it. [00:21:02] So Judaism has developed perhaps the most comprehensive ethical framework. I better speed up because I've gotten way off track. But listen. [00:21:11] The most comprehensive framework I think of any religion about understanding the power of evil speech, lashon hara. Negative statements. Even if it's completely true. [00:21:24] Okay. People say, well, this is no problem for me. I only talk bad about the people that need to be talked bad about because they're bad. [00:21:31] What's this guy's deal? [00:21:35] You don't get to say it. Even if it's completely true, you don't say it. Think about that. In Jewish ethics, speaking a negative truth about somebody without a constructive purpose is actually a harmful speech. It takes lashon hara. Three people suffer when you commit lashon hara. The speaker, the listener, and the subject. The speaker is speaking. That's corruption. The listener is corrupted by listening the subject. Their reputation is damaged. That three damage its impact. [00:22:10] Multiple directions from one bad conversation. [00:22:16] But as much as we hear about lashon hara because it's such an issue, Judaism does not leave us to fend for ourself on this. There is something else that's called shmirat halashon shomer. Shomer means to guard. Lashon means, so what do you think? Shmirat ha? [00:22:38] Lashon means guard your tongue. [00:22:43] Guard it. [00:22:45] That's what you do. [00:22:48] It's far beyond avoiding lies or slander. Everyone by now in any messianic Jewish circle has heard of the Chofetz Chayim. [00:22:58] This was his thing. Lashon Hara, Rabbi Israel Merkagan. He wrote this entire book. It's got all amazing stuff. Listen. It's forbidden to listen to lashon hara. [00:23:10] Think about that. [00:23:13] If someone inadvertently hears it, it's forbidden to believe it's true. [00:23:18] You're supposed to assume the best about the person that's being spoken of and walk away. [00:23:25] Assume that the information is wrong or that the other person does not assume that they're doing something wrong. I mean all of these different things. Now listen, I'm going to be practical as we wind down. Hmm. Wow. Here are some practical approaches. You ready? [00:23:44] Think. You ever heard of this concept? [00:23:50] Not like that. It's actually an acronym. Think about your conversations. Is it true? [00:23:58] Is it helpful? [00:23:59] Is it insightful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? [00:24:04] Think before you speak. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it insightful? [00:24:10] Is it necessary? Is it kind? If it doesn't meet those criteria, perhaps you shouldn't say it now. There are times, without a doubt when you have to expose some wrongdoing or someone is in danger or someone is about to be harmed or whatever. This is not. You can't just never speak. That's not what I'm saying. [00:24:31] But think. Need to know before every share. Here's the rapid fire. Are you ready? [00:24:39] Critique behavior, not character. And only do it face to face when possible. [00:24:45] Avoid repeating hearsay. Even if everyone already knows. [00:24:50] Well, I was just saying what everyone already no, don't say it. [00:24:56] Tone matters. This is a hard one for me. Sarcasm can be lashon harrah. [00:25:02] Do not nod along to gossip. Silence is complicity. [00:25:08] Digital counts when you text. When you post, it's the same. Vent upward. Seek counsel from people who can actually do something about it. [00:25:20] Not to your commiserating people. [00:25:24] When in doubt, this is easy. Leave it out. [00:25:27] Sounds cheesy, but it's memorable. [00:25:30] Repair slips quickly. Apologize. Correct the record now. Be patient with yourself. This takes practice. This is an investment. There's a tendency to look at this and say this is stupid. There's no way. I'll never be able to open my mouth again. [00:25:46] That's not the point. The point is awareness, which connects to everything we've been talking about these first few weeks. Remember we talked about gratitude? Give us eyes to see God. It's just about awareness. It's being aware of what comes out of your mouth. The same awareness that helps us recognize blessing and good is the same kind of conscious awareness we can have about our conversations and what we're doing in the world. What kind of energy we're creating. It's not about perfectionism. It's intentionality. And these are practical tools. It's very easy. Think about it. [00:26:22] Think about it. [00:26:24] And make no mistake, here's the point. It's costly. [00:26:28] It costs you something. It requires mindfulness and restraint and even social discomfort. But when you're learning, when you're choosing this life giving speech, it's an intentional effort and it comes With a price. Just as I said at the beginning, just like eating healthy is pricey, this actually is too. And here's the point. [00:26:51] Socially, choosing not to participate in gossip can make you look judgmental. [00:26:57] It can make you look like holier than thou. [00:27:01] Oh, look at Ervin over there, huh? [00:27:08] Mr. [00:27:09] No, Lashon. Harrah, Ervin. [00:27:18] There's this great. I'll just read it quickly. There's a direct, memorable example. This is from the sages. When one is sitting in a company of men and has no way of avoiding them, and they're speaking of things which are forbidden according to the judgment, if he sits in silence and in no way abets them in their talk, he will be regarded as crazy. [00:27:42] Of this and all such things the sages have said, better that a man be called a fool all the days of his life rather than be wicked one moment before the Lord. He must harness all his powers at that moment to withstand the trial. And if he does, he may be completely confident that his reward for this from the blessed Lord will be without end. According to the strain is the reward. [00:28:05] Back to the gym. [00:28:08] According to the strain is the reward. It's costly, but the investment is worth it. It demands constant vigilance. How serious did God take this? There are six remembrances that are in the Sidur every day. Every day when Jews pray. There are six remembrances that you're supposed to remember. [00:28:31] Number one, the Exodus. Number two, receiving the Torah. Number three, Amalek. Number four, the Golden Calf. Number five, Shabbat. Number six. [00:28:41] Miriam, you remember Miriam. [00:28:46] What specifically is he talking about related to Miriam? Remember what Hashem, your God did to Miriam on the way when you departed Egypt? What did he do to her? [00:28:56] He said to her, miriam, how were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses? For speaking improperly about Moses. God gave her Tzarat leprosy. [00:29:09] That's something you're supposed to remember every day and not to do it. [00:29:16] Lashon Hara. Evil speech. Guard your tongue. And it is forcing us to confront what our speech reveals about our. [00:29:26] These costs are not expenses. They are investments. That's the way you gotta look at it. They're investments. The title of this message talk is not cheap. [00:29:39] Investing is not cheap. As we continue through the Omer, I'm just challenging you to make this costly choice. At least be aware of it. Guard your tongue. Direct application of choosing blessing. Not because it's some nice thing that will make you feel good about yourself. It affects the world. Really it does. It brings joy. Deuteronomy says I've set before you life and death. With every conversation we're making this choice, you're going to eat that. [00:30:12] Use the Think model. [00:30:14] Monitor your speech. Reflect on conversations and reflect them away from Lashon Hara. Even if you slip up, catch yourself, there's a great blessing in that. Even if you walk away and you have that realization that it was a terrible conversation to be aware of it and say, next time better. Next time better. Eventually you know what happens. [00:30:37] There's a next time and you get better. [00:30:40] That happens. [00:30:42] It's hard, I know, believe me. [00:30:45] Because the alternative comes so easy. Why do good choices cost so much more? Why is bad so easy? Because the world makes it that way. And I couldn't find a better summary of this than First Peter, which echoes Yeshua's words where he says in Matthew, get rid First Peter saying, get rid of all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all Lashon Hara. As newborn babes long for spiritual milk so that by it you may grow towards salvation. Now that you have tasted that the Lord is good again, a connection between tasting and the tongue and Lashon Hara. And that is a beautiful thing. If your tongue has tasted and seen that the Lord is good, should you not have that reflected in your speech? [00:31:33] Of course you should. Are you tired of hearing about it? Don't go out there and gossip about how bad this message was. [00:31:40] Don't do it. [00:31:43] And remember, written counts. You post something bad online, that counts. [00:31:48] Every single empty word. Yeshua said it. [00:31:54] I tell you everyone will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every empty word they have spoken. Every empty word. My gosh. That's the whole message. [00:32:06] I could have done this in less than four seconds. [00:32:10] Every empty word. Shouldn't we make the effort now? Every day, daily? We should do it. [00:32:17] We should do it. It's a daily discipline, the choice between life and death. It happens in these small choices. Try it. [00:32:24] Just try it. [00:32:26] Your connections this week, just try it and set a habit and maybe change your life. [00:32:32] So may we have the wisdom to make this costly choice of life giving speech knowing that we will eat its fruits. [00:32:44] In Hebrew we say. [00:32:48] In French we say bon appetit. [00:32:53] Make the fruit good. [00:32:56] Amen. [00:32:58] Shabbat Shalom. I'm Darren with Shalom Makin. If you enjoyed this teaching, I want to ask you to take the next step. Start by making sure you subscribe to our channel. Next, make sure you hit the like button on this video so that others know it's worth their time. To watch last. Head over to our website to learn more about Shalom Macon, explore other teachings and events, and if you're so inclined, contribute to the work that we're doing to further the Kingdom. Thanks for watching and connecting with Shalom Macon.