Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Any good accountant will tell you what to do with a receivable that cannot be collected.
[00:00:08] What do you do?
[00:00:10] You write it off and understand what I mean.
[00:00:16] Writing it off doesn't mean that it didn't matter. It does not mean I restore the relationship or the trust. It does not require you to hand someone the keys to your heart. Again, a boundary may be necessary, there are consequences. But writing it off just really means that finally I'm going to tell the truth about this account. This debt will never be settled and I'm done financing it.
[00:00:47] When we hold old injuries on the books, when we review them, when we rehearse them, when we regurgitate them, we're paying interest on that.
[00:01:00] In our sleep, in our conversations, in our health, in our relationships that had nothing to do with that original wound. We're taking that interest and overlaying it into other relationships.
[00:01:17] The person who incurred that debt with you, they're not paying the interest.
[00:01:24] You are.
[00:01:28] And you don't have to write it off.
[00:01:34] Not because it was acceptable, but because you shouldn't have to keep paying for it.
[00:01:46] I We actually, Kelly, we have recently returned from England.
[00:01:56] Stratford Upon Avon, to be precise. The birthplace of William Shakespeare. We literally sat on the canal running through the Stratford Upon Avon, ate fish and chips and drank English beer.
[00:02:14] It was the height of existence.
[00:02:18] But it was a work trip, lest you think that it was for pleasure. However, on this work trip we experienced the ultimate of pleasures.
[00:02:28] We had the opportunity to spend time with Shalomis.
[00:02:33] We went down south with Jeff and Kahlilah and Perry and Kaylee, Ellen and Christian and their son Tovey.
[00:02:43] They took us around to Fareham. England is where they live. Portsmouth is very close to them. Portsmouth just happens to be the birthplace of Charles Dickens.
[00:02:57] So between William Shakespeare and Charles Dickens, we were soaking up all kinds of English lit vibes when we got up to the Malchut Europe function. There I met so many Shalomis, really, from all over. It was absolutely incredible.
[00:03:17] I don't want to say names because I'll forget names, but there were many, many there from many countries.
[00:03:26] Well, okay, Karen, Maxine, Nicole, Ginny, Ian, Davey Johnson from Davy Johnson's community in London. There were people from Switzerland. I met Jacob and Esther from Austria and the illustrious and unforgettable Cole. And Rachel Wagner was there, Cole at an English event wearing thigh high super tight American flag shorts.
[00:03:58] And the very polite British people were like, I think the bloke's from America.
[00:04:08] That's why I love this place, though now you can Travel across the world and meet your Shalomi brothers and sisters.
[00:04:18] Now, because of the Charles Dickens and William Shakespeare vibe, I think that is what inspired what you are going to hear today.
[00:04:29] Congratulations.
[00:04:31] You are very likely sitting in the only sanctuary on earth where Charles Dickens and the High Holidays are going to spend the morning together.
[00:04:42] I am a rabbi. This is Elul. This is the last Shabbat of Elul with you before Rosh Hashanah and I am about to preach a Christmas Carol.
[00:04:57] It's funny. It should be. It's also, as far as I can tell, very accurate. Because somewhere between the time with the Shalomis, the plane ride home and writing this, Charles Dickens got all mixed up in my head with Elulse. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that A Christmas Carol is actually one of the most beautiful and brilliant accounts of Cheshbon Hanefesh that has ever been written. The accounting of the soul that we do during this time on God's calendar. Now, normally I get four or five Shabbats in the month of Elul to bother you, to bug you about your soul elevation, to ask you questions that you should ask yourself that you really probably don't even really want to answer. This year I don't have four or five weeks I have this morning to do that. So buckle up and let's talk about Ebenezer Scrooge, forced to look back upon the life he had lived, at the life he is living and forward to where that life is going to take him if nothing changes.
[00:06:10] His past, his present and his future. And all of it pointing to this idea. In the end, there, there is still time.
[00:06:21] Scrooge is not shown his past so that he can just feel guilty about it. He is not on a self aware, self help, present tense journey.
[00:06:34] And he is not shown his grave because Charles Dickens wanted to include the Grim Reaper at Christmas time.
[00:06:42] It is the story of a story not yet finished.
[00:06:48] Scrooge's story was not yet finished and neither is yours.
[00:06:54] This is Elul.
[00:06:58] We know that our sages talk about the books of the High holidays, Rosh Hashanah. We have three books open, right? What are they?
[00:07:07] The completely righteous, the Tzadikim, the completely wicked, the Rashaim, and in between, the Benonim, those caught in the middle whose case remains open during the ten days of repentance from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur. I've been doing this a long time. I've actually never met anyone who claims to be in either of the extreme books we are Benonim.
[00:07:40] This is a room full of them. It's a world full of them, actually, not just in this room.
[00:07:45] And the defining fact for the Benoni, or Benoni if you're from Italy, is that the verdict is not in.
[00:07:58] The books are open. The verdict is not the end of the story. And that is exactly where Scrooge stands when the spirit takes him to the churchyard. And he's looking at the end, his name cut on this stone, and he's asking, is this settled? Is this who I am? Is this who I must be?
[00:08:23] And one week before Rosh Hashanah, that's our question.
[00:08:29] The Talmud gives us those three books. There's another set of three things that can help us do the work. And it's found in the most famous prayer of Rosh Hashanah, which is called Unatane tokev, Unatane tokev kidusha hatayom.
[00:08:47] And it has these words in it.
[00:08:51] Ut shuva ut phila utztaka.
[00:08:59] It's like the ultimate moment in Rosh Hashanah.
[00:09:05] Repentance, prayer and charity. Remove the evil decree.
[00:09:12] I have more to say about that, but not right now. But think about those as three books. Tefillah is the book between me and God.
[00:09:22] Tzedakah is the book that my life writes for other people. And Teshuvah is the book of the person I am becoming. And the books belong together because my life with God affects the way I treat people. And the way I treat people shapes the person I become. And the person I become affects my relationship with God and with people.
[00:09:50] Ebenezer Scrooge spent his life working in a counting house, right? Who has never seen the movie A Christmas Carol or read A Christmas Carol?
[00:10:03] Kai, you're an avid reader today.
[00:10:09] Scrooge understood books. He understood accounts. He knew what was owed to him, what things cost, whether a transaction was good for him, how much coal Bob Cratchit was using.
[00:10:23] Scrooge knew how to keep books. It just turns out the whole story is about the fact that he had been keeping the wrong books.
[00:10:34] There is a danger in the term cheshbon hanefesh, accounting of the soul.
[00:10:41] We hear accounting, and one can consider the wrong ledger. That is, this is transactional. That's what accounting is. It's transactional. How many things did I do wrong? How many things did I do right? What do I fix so that the spiritual balance sheet comes together?
[00:10:59] That's what this accounting thing is. The accounting of Elul is not transactional. It is relational.
[00:11:07] It is relational and it has to be honest. We have to deal with what is actually written in the books, not what we wanted to write or hoped we would find there. How is your relationship with God? How are your relationships with other people, especially those most important to you?
[00:11:29] And who are you becoming?
[00:11:33] Nobody just wakes up. Ebenezer Scrooge. You become the person you are through a lifetime of habits and practices. What you repeatedly do becomes the person you are. It is not, you are what you.
[00:11:52] Oh, I forgot the phrase. Darn.
[00:11:56] You are what you eat.
[00:11:57] No, you are what you repeat. That's the phrase I'm looking for. You are what you repeat and elul.
[00:12:10] This practice is supposed to interrupt that process.
[00:12:16] So as the ghost takes Scrooge through the past, the present and the future, I want us to keep all of these books open. And let's start where Scrooge started. Looking back, what from this past year is still open, what from prior years, maybe way back, is outstanding. And what remains unsettled in each of those books. And you start this column with the things between you and God.
[00:12:44] What happened this year? Did you become more honest with God, or did you not talk to God about certain things because you knew that what he might tell you is not what you actually wanted to hear?
[00:13:00] Tefillah prayer. It's not really a count of how many prayers you said.
[00:13:08] It's the truth about a relationship. And we keep the book open. We review things between you and other people also.
[00:13:18] There's you and God. There's you and people. And it's in this. And there are two columns to this ledger in this other people idea, debts you owe and the debts owed to you.
[00:13:35] We start with what you owe.
[00:13:38] First of all, let's be very clear. There are often times I've heard this many, many years through my career about the high holidays. People who are not familiar, they ask, why do you do that? Why do you do that?
[00:13:50] Why do you bring all that up? Jesus has paid it all.
[00:13:54] Everything's forgiven. And by the way, as if you could ever pay back God.
[00:14:02] That's not the point. There is nothing you can do during elul to purchase forgiveness or during the holidays. You can't pay God back, but you can show up, you can be honest, you can offer sincere repentance. And he then hears and acts and forgives. He. He gives grace, he gives mercy. That is at the heart of this idea of things owed to God, this reconciliation. But the other debts, the different accounts. There are different accounts, and God won't let you settle those religiously because they're with other people.
[00:14:43] And he cares so much about that. The Mishnah is very, very clear about this when it says, guess what? Yom Kippur can fix things between you and God, but it cannot fix things between you and people. That's up to you.
[00:15:01] Yeshua says something relatively familiar on this line. If you're bringing an offering to the altar and you remember your brother has something against you, what are you supposed to do?
[00:15:13] Leave the thing that you brought for God and go fix the thing with the person and then come back to it. You can wear the most beautiful white kittle and you can bang your chest all day.
[00:15:30] You can cry. You can mean it. But if you leave a catastrophe of relationships around you out there in the world, it means nothing.
[00:15:43] Because it seems as if God is willing to wait while you make the phone call.
[00:15:52] That's pretty powerful.
[00:15:57] Holiness is relational.
[00:16:00] It's not some private, mystical spirituality. The Torah is very clear. It puts people in front of you all the time. Don't steal, don't do nothing while your neighbor's suffering. Don't hate your brother in your heart. Don't carry a grudge. Love your neighbor as yourself. Too often we are imagining holiness. I talk about this a lot, some intensely spiritual way that we float around in the world.
[00:16:33] But the Torah, as I said, puts people in front of you all the time. And so the question isn't, did I break a commandment? It's also, when I did, what did it cost the person that's standing in front of me?
[00:16:50] What do you owe?
[00:16:53] What's on the ledger?
[00:16:57] Money. That's easy.
[00:17:01] An apology. A conversation of truth. A phone call that really, really needed to happen five years ago, whatever it is.
[00:17:10] And the longer you wait, the more awkward it gets. Okay, fine. Guess what? It's already awkward. Make the phone call.
[00:17:19] But there's another side of this ledger, the more difficult side for many people. You may not even be thinking about what you did to somebody else, because you're thinking about what they did to me, what's owed to me.
[00:17:33] And that debt is very real, too. Somebody hurt you. Somebody betrayed you. Somebody lied to you. They walked out. They altered the course of your life, and they never even said a word.
[00:17:50] And maybe they never will. Because maybe they don't believe they did anything wrong.
[00:17:56] And maybe they're no longer alive.
[00:17:59] There are a lot of reasons, but somewhere in your books, that may be a receivable that's been sitting there for a long, long time.
[00:18:13] Any good accountant will Tell you what to do with a receivable that cannot be collected, what do you do?
[00:18:24] You write it off.
[00:18:27] And understand what I mean.
[00:18:29] Writing it off doesn't mean that it didn't matter. It does not mean I restore the relationship or the trust. It does not require you to hand someone the. The keys to your heart. Again, a boundary may be necessary. There are consequences. But writing it off just really means that finally I'm going to tell the truth about this account. This debt will never be settled, and I'm done financing it.
[00:19:00] When we hold old injuries on the books, when we review them, when we rehearse them, when we regurgitate them, we're paying interest on that.
[00:19:14] In our sleep, in our conversations, in our health, in our relationships that had nothing to do with that original wound. We're taking that interest and overlaying it into other relationships.
[00:19:30] The person who incurred that debt with you, they're not paying the interest.
[00:19:38] You are.
[00:19:42] And you don't have to write it off.
[00:19:47] Not because it was acceptable, but because you shouldn't have to keep paying for it.
[00:19:56] The past.
[00:19:59] Scrooge goes to the present, and it's an interesting journey. The second spirit does this different thing with him and it shows him what happened to him, the choices that that's what the past does. Here's what you did, here's what it made you. And the ghost of Christmas Present then takes him into the rooms to do what?
[00:20:21] To hear people talking about the Cratch at home. You know, he's standing there listening. And this, actually, I would say, is probably the most painful part of a journey to go on.
[00:20:38] Scrooge has a very high impression of himself, right, as we often do.
[00:20:45] He knows the explanations, he works hard, he minds his own business. He's a good manager of money. He runs a good business. He doesn't owe anybody anything. And then he hears what it's like to be on the receiving end of Ebenezer.
[00:21:02] Bob Cratchit's wife despises the man.
[00:21:07] His party guests at his nephew's thing, he tries to give him a toast. Do you remember this? And they're like, he's a despicable human being.
[00:21:17] Got no use for him. So Scrooge is given this terrible gift.
[00:21:23] He gets to hear what people say when he's not in the room.
[00:21:29] Imagine being given that gift.
[00:21:32] Suppose you could invisibly appear in your home after you left it, or in the room after the meeting. Or suppose you could listen when your name came up among the people that you know best. What would they say? Would you want to hear it? Would you like to get that gift?
[00:21:53] Whoo.
[00:21:54] What would your spouse say it's like to live with you?
[00:22:00] What do your children have to say when you come in the door and they wonder what to expect? And then later, they tell mom about it?
[00:22:16] What happens in a room when you enter it? Do people light up or shut down when someone makes a mistake around you? Do they expect a correction and a lecture or silent treatment? And if the answers that you get would be painful to you, our first instinct, of course, would be what to defend ourselves. They don't know what I'm going through. I've got this pressure. I've got all this. They don't know what I've been carrying. They don't even appreciate everything I do. And some of that may be true.
[00:22:55] Scrooge had explanations, too. Dickens didn't really care about those. He brilliantly makes Scrooge see, it's not about you, dude. Here's what your life is producing in other people.
[00:23:09] You need to see this.
[00:23:14] And that is the accounting of the present. This is the book of Tzedakah, of giving, of charity. Tzedakah is more than money I gave away. It asks, am I giving the gift of my best self to other people? Am I living righteously with other people? What does my presence give to the people around me and what does it take? How much space do I take up? And it's difficult because we know our own intentions. I may intend to be responsible and in pursuit of excellence. When everyone on the receiving end of my pursuit of excellence says, he's so controlling. Gosh, I may call it honesty.
[00:24:05] When I walk in the room and tell you what you need to hear.
[00:24:09] I'm just telling it like it is.
[00:24:15] By the way, don't ever say that to anyone.
[00:24:18] I'm just telling, you need to hear this. I'm telling it like it is.
[00:24:22] Don't ever say that.
[00:24:25] I may say, well, I mean, my goodness, I'm out here providing for my family while they're experiencing is your absence and the emotional hole that you leave because you're not there.
[00:24:42] And this is why when we say, you know, Alhet, when we go through this long list, by the way, this year, I want you to take some time as we go through the Alhet confessions in Yom Kippur, and I want you to realize how many of those things require someone else to be in the room. In other words, very, very few of them have to do with you and God. Most things have to do with you and others, what is your impact? What do they say when you're not around?
[00:25:18] Now, everyone's judgment of you is not correct. They don't know. And there are people who are just mean and one angry person. They don't get the opportunity to define your character.
[00:25:29] But when the same thing, if you're going from room to room like Scrooge did, and the same thing, the same themes are following you.
[00:25:42] You should be present for that.
[00:25:45] You should know and you should pay attention, and you don't get that opportunity. We can't be invisible.
[00:25:54] But this is about being present in your relationships and asking yourself some of these questions.
[00:26:01] What am I giving to the people that matter most in my life?
[00:26:08] If I could hear myself discussed in those rooms, what would I learn about the person I presently am?
[00:26:14] Would I be able to do that without just jumping to my defense?
[00:26:22] I hope so.
[00:26:24] And Scrooge's past explains how he became that man. And the people are living with him. And it all points to a future. And this is the great part. The third spirit comes. It shows Scrooge this future. Again, I think of Unata, which is about who will live, who will die. Some by flood, some by fire. It's, like really pretty intense.
[00:26:48] And Scrooge is taken to this graveyard, right?
[00:26:52] And that's not really designed to show him that he's going to die. We all know this.
[00:26:58] He is made to watch what his death means to other people. Have you ever asked that question of yourself?
[00:27:09] You can read A Christmas Carol for yourself. But the people are. The businessmen say, I'll go to his funeral if they're having lunch.
[00:27:17] The people are arguing over his clothes and his curtains around his bed. The Cratchits, you know, they have nothing.
[00:27:28] Nobody grieves him. Nobody tells a good story about old Ebenezer. You remember one time when he. No.
[00:27:38] Nobody can name the good that entered the world because Ebenezer Scrooge existed.
[00:27:45] But you go to the Cratch at home, and we have little. Little Tiny Tim, right? I'm sorry, Tisha, that's a terrible British accent. That doesn't work.
[00:27:54] Little Tiny Tim. How is that Better?
[00:27:57] Better?
[00:28:01] He has died and left a huge hole in the world, this little kid.
[00:28:11] Everyone is just destroyed.
[00:28:14] He didn't even have the chance to leave a legacy, and yet he did.
[00:28:20] And Scrooge, this brutal contrast. The child who had nothing, the wealthy man who had everything, and no one misses him.
[00:28:33] He had things.
[00:28:36] Money, intelligence, ability of business.
[00:28:40] He just refused to give any of himself.
[00:28:43] There is no tzedakah in the future. The spirit shows him he was self consumed.
[00:28:53] So Scrooge is forced to confront his legacy. And what does he find out?
[00:28:59] I don't have one.
[00:29:05] And the consideration of future in this time for us should point us to the question, what legacy are we pursuing?
[00:29:15] How many people will be able to say, my life was better because Steve Wortham was here?
[00:29:25] Carter Patterson. How many people will be better? How many people can say, my life was better because you were in it?
[00:29:35] You left a legacy in my life.
[00:29:42] What are you giving to the world that will remain when you are no longer in it?
[00:29:51] And then Scrooge is taken to the graveyard. The spirit points. He walks toward the stone. What's written on it? His name. And he's been touring this imaginary future. But he realizes this can't be.
[00:30:08] This cannot be. And he asks the famous question, are these the shadows of the things that will be? Or are they shadows of things that may be only?
[00:30:21] It's a nice question for the high holidays.
[00:30:26] He says something that we could put in prayer books as a definition of chuva. Charles Dickens, he writes, a man's course foreshadows certain. Certain ends to which, if persevered in, they must lead.
[00:30:41] But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change.
[00:30:48] That is teshuvah.
[00:30:51] Change the course, turn around.
[00:30:55] Some trajectories are quite predictable.
[00:30:58] If you keep neglecting a valuable relationship, there won't be much of a. Of a relationship left to neglect.
[00:31:07] If you keep rehearsing resentment and bitterness, it begins to settle into your personality and it becomes. You keep saying, someday I'm going to do the great thing God gave me to do. And then you run out of days.
[00:31:26] A course foreshadows an end. Being shown the direction before you arrive is a beautiful act of mercy.
[00:31:36] That's what this is about.
[00:31:40] Rabbi Jonathan Sacks said, teshuvah teaches us that our past does not determine our future. You cannot change a second of what has happened.
[00:31:54] You cannot unsay what you said or unmake those decisions. But you can refuse to let those things determine what happens.
[00:32:04] That's your choice.
[00:32:05] That's what lays before you. This is the book of Teshuvah.
[00:32:10] The course can still change because it is open.
[00:32:16] And Scrooge wakes up comfy in his bed. He doesn't know how much time has passed. He runs to the window. You remember it calls down to the boy, what day is it? Why, it's Christmas Day, sir.
[00:32:32] And what does he do?
[00:32:34] He jumps around like a fool, celebrating. Ah, I'm certain he said, baruch hashem. I haven't missed it.
[00:32:43] I haven't missed it.
[00:32:47] There's still time.
[00:32:51] For what?
[00:32:53] Action.
[00:32:56] It all hinges on action.
[00:33:00] He took what he discovered and he bought the turkey and he sent it and he gave the little boy money and he went to the party and he showed up with a new spirit about him and a new countenance. And no one even knew what to do with this guy because he was in the course of action to change what must be changed.
[00:33:28] This is elul.
[00:33:31] This is the holidays.
[00:33:37] And here's the good news.
[00:33:43] There's still time.
[00:33:49] So this week, You sit down and you open your books.
[00:33:57] You can open just a piece of paper if you want, but let's call it your books.
[00:34:03] Three headings.
[00:34:05] Tefillah, Tzedakah, Teshuvah, God, Others, and Me.
[00:34:14] What is open between me and God? What is my life producing in other people? And what am I becoming?
[00:34:21] Then circle.
[00:34:24] Put the list and then circle the one that is most important. And do the thing.
[00:34:32] Do the thing.
[00:34:34] Take the action. Uncover the information and take action. The thing. Do the thing. Buy the stinking turkey and send it.
[00:34:45] Or ham. I think it was a turkey. Yeah, it was the biggest turkey of the year. Right? And do it before you walk back in here next Shabbat.
[00:34:58] Most people will wait for the sound of the shofar, which I'll talk to you about next week.
[00:35:04] We don't need to wait.
[00:35:06] Now is the time, because there is still time.
[00:35:12] And remember, remember, remember.
[00:35:16] You didn't decide somewhere along your journey of life. You know what?
[00:35:25] I think that late summer, early fall would be an incredible time for me to go into a deep introspective mode of all my faults and failures and then figure out how I could fix them and make the world a better place. I'm gonna do that. I really like that idea. People don't usually do that, but God does. And God did. And it's his idea.
[00:35:56] Why?
[00:35:58] Kelly and I had this discussion on the plane ride home. How incredible is it? So many people don't understand it. I get it. And it's not really fun. And no matter what I say up here, most people aren't gonna do it. I understand that. But my high holidays have been the reward of my great high holidays has been the one message I get from someone who says, I did it and I changed and I'm better for it.
[00:36:29] It's God's idea and he's invited you into it.
[00:36:37] Do you want to miss it?
[00:36:40] I don't want you to miss it.
[00:36:44] Kelly and I marveled at this, like, over and over, we do this. I shared with you last year, the spiral staircase. The beauty of my.
[00:36:54] Of my mentor, the Rabbi Sacks of blessed memory, sharing that the Jewish calendar is a spiral staircase.
[00:37:04] A circle brings you back to the very same point over and over and over again.
[00:37:11] A spiral staircase circles. But it elevates. It elevates. It elevates. And that's what we're doing.
[00:37:19] It's beautiful.
[00:37:21] That's what it's about.
[00:37:22] The days of Tefillah, Tzedakah and Shuva.
[00:37:31] And because Charles Dickens gave us some spirits.
[00:37:36] I can't resist this last thing. And I'll close with it.
[00:37:42] The King James.
[00:37:45] Good British translation, by the way. I didn't even think of it, but with a straight face, translates Ruach Hakodesh as the Holy Ghost.
[00:37:57] See where I'm going.
[00:38:03] In most sermons, it would be a stretch, but in a sermon with Charles Dickens, three ghosts of past, present and future.
[00:38:15] Scrooge needed the spirits to help him see what he refused to see. We ask the Holy Ghost, we're asking in the Ruach Hakodesh, the spirit of God that dwells within us, to give us the same kind of revelation, to see inside ourselves, to see ourselves truthfully and never give up on the possibility of. Of change.
[00:38:47] So let's do that next week.
[00:38:54] You know that we won't hear the shofar next Saturday. It's Rosh Hashanah Day 1, but we don't blow the shofar on Shabbat. Somebody sent me an article and said, but look, but look, the Sanhedrin in Israel is now they're going to be blowing the Shabbat on Israel. On Shabbat. Blowing the shofar on Shabbat spot in Israel. What do you think? Can we do it?
[00:39:18] No, we can't.
[00:39:20] Because that's one microscopic little representation of a. Some Jews who have decided that that's it, we don't have a Sanhedrin.
[00:39:30] And so we're going to blow the shofar on Sunday for Rosh Hashanah Day 2, which is the way we do it. And we're going to have an incredible celebration. But next Saturday, I want to talk to you about the. That sound. And I've done it before, but this time it's better, I promise.
[00:39:49] So, my friends, there's still time.
[00:39:57] Let's make the most, shall we?
[00:40:04] And to all, a Merry Christmas.
[00:40:08] No, I just threw that one in. I liked it.
[00:40:13] Shabbat Shalom.
[00:40:15] I'm Darren with Shalom Macon. If you enjoyed this teaching, I want to ask you to take the next step. Start by making sure you subscribe to our channel. Next, make sure you hit the like button on this video so that others know it's worth their time to watch.
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